Thursday, 27 December
Buggy Day 5

Friday, 28 December
Buggy Day 6

Saturday, 29 December
Front office.

Sunday, 30 December
Front office.

Monday, 31 December
After work, Ejanze and I dressed up and walked around the resort at night. New Year's Eve countdown was a bore to be honest.

Red 'carpet'

Yoko x

Tuesday, 1 January
Happy New Year! OFF DAY! Breakfast, gym, cat nap, bought kitty's present online, dinner then Kid's Club campfire! What a productive day ^^

Wednesday, 2 January
Ended work at 12am and went to Sunset at Bodu Huraa for supper with Zumbo and Anwar hehe my two favourite guys. Anwar always calls Zameer 'Zambo' which reminds me of Zumbo from Adriano Zumbo, hence my nickname for him. He's such a joker haha he told me he wasn't married and 5 minutes later, he told me that he loves his 2 daughters, asshole hahaha

Thursday, 3 January
SPOIL MOOD LA. WJ asked me during breakfast, "What were you doing at BH past midnight?". SUPPER LA! But no, I can't because it's with two guys. So I asked if I could go there for lunch, and he said no as well! Because other people would start creating rumours. How nice.

Friday, 4 January
Sunset with Abbas, Mufyd, Wisam, Hamid and Anwar for tea. Could go since it's a bigger group and the fact that there were managers.

Saturday, 5 January
Both Anwar and I were on the buggy and I was really really really craving for Kit Kat. So I told him. When we got back to the reception, he brought me to the tuck shop and bought Kit Kat and Redbull for me!!!!!!!! WHAT A SWEET TRAINER!!! Reminded me of the time when CT bought Hello Panda for me because I told her that I wanted it!

Rao, from Sunset Lounge, made strawberry milkshake for me! Went to the gym but Mr Director of Purchasing was there. On my favourite treadmill. Ugh hate that they allow guys to go to that gym now.

Sherina misses them :(

Sunday, 6 January
Athens and George, from In-Bungalow Dining (IBD) Service Bar, made mango and banana milkshakes for me! Wuv them wuv them to bits. Then Rao made Oreo milkshake for me!

Was so full from all the milkshakes and wanted to walk around but the gym (ugh Mr Director of Purchasing so annoying), television room and toilet were all occupied. Oh I go to the toilet downstairs because I am uncomfortable with the fact that the toilet in my room isn't exactly soundproof.

Monday, 7 January
Stupid Zumbo didn't want to talk to me just because I couldn't answer him when he asked for the operating hours of the resort outlets! Munadh gave me his buggy keys!! Bad day #1

Tuesday, 8 January
Told Anwar and Ejanze that Shiyaz doesn't seem to like me because he keeps picking on me. Ugh he never picks on Ejanze. And I know it's because he likes her and all but it's really unfair. So Anwar told S and he confronted me. Saying that he has to order me around because it's his responsibility what shit. Go order someone else la. Then Anwar was praising Ejanze because she could do the Room Move perfectly T__________T Ejanze isn't even his trainee, why he praise her.

I'm having so much difficulty in coping in Front Office. There are too many things to take note of, always on the beck on call of the guests, memorise the contact numbers. EVERYTHING. It makes me want to break down but no one can help me! I want to be better. I'm trying to push myself to be better in what I do. Bad day #2

Wednesday, 9 January
Butterscotch milkshake from Rao. It's the nicest one yet.

Thursday, 10 January
Babygirl Kitty Leong's birthday xx

Fish and Coral Garden Safari. Wah not nice at all. Water was so rough and bad clarity. And I don't like seeing fishes. I prefer looking at turtles and sharks.

Akram just removed his braces

Munadh

Dolphin Cruise! Only saw them for the last 5 minutes. Would say that my life is complete now but the dolphins weren't friendly that they so it's not counted.

General Manager's daughter, Stella

Got the permission to have drinks at Sunset Lounge to celebrate Ejanzes' farewell.

Ejanze's Zero Degree Champagne

Tiffany's

My Apple Tree

Friday, 11 January
Poor Ejanze cried at the jetty! And even at the airport hehe. I will miss her. I do miss her!

Today
Yoosuf has been entertaining me the whole day hahaha so bored.

There are way too many things for me to digest now.

- Just came up from dinner and I had a talk with George. He was saying that I was a pessimist. No one has ever said that to me before. I was so used to people telling me that I'm a very bubbly person, but those are people who don't know me. But then again, people who do, have never said that to me before.

He asked, "What's your purpose in life?". I didn't even have to think. I replied, "Death." He asked why. This is part where I'm unsure if I was just trying to cover up my impetuousness or not. "I feel that I don't deserve to live because my life could be given to someone more deserving. Like some cancer patient or something."

"Why don't you then?"
"Because I can't!"
"That's why! There's a reason why you're still alive! Whether it's a good or bad thing!"

___

He told me his story: He got into an accident at the age of 12. There was an explosion. His face and hand got burnt and it seems fine now. Just that there would be spots on his hands when he's in the sea. Um, not so sure about that though. Since then he's been taking sleeping pills and has the worse case of insomnia ever. He's such a light sleeper that when someone cracks their fingers at night, he can wake up omg. When he was young, he listened to metal to fall asleep. Now, 2 weeks ago, he stopped the pills. Drinking helps, he says.

- Who the hell am I to you. Am I even your friend anymore.

I've put in so much effort. Do I leave all that behind, or do I continue on. Because I swear this is draining my  life away.

"for once in my life, i felt like someone wasn’t going to give up on me and on us"

Starting to doubt that.