Flowers

Wednesday, February 1, 2012 - 5:50 PM

I guess it's better if someone doesn't fall in love with me. Imagine the trouble I will cause him. I am sensitive, possessive, I think too much. There are many girls out there who are more sane than I am.

Karthik where the hell are you. Save me from all of this. You helped me forget things.

"Where'd you go, I miss you so. Seems like it's been forever that you've been gone."

30th- Late night chat with Khai n_n He's my really really good friend now.

31st- He said, "i'll text you later!". It never happened. You said you weren't like those guys. You were the nicest guy I've ever met. Not anymore.

I don't want to talk about Macroeconomics lesson or lunch. So took bus 966 with Khairil and Liting back home. Love them so much because they had motion sickness from the bus ride and I felt so bad.

Kaiyi joined us and we had kway teow at home before heading down to my workplace. Hehehe had fun at my house though. They're so cute because I ran to work since I was late. Then they went missing for about 10 minutes even though I tried looking for them! Then Khai came out of nowhere and approached the shop saying, "Eh Sherina you work here ah!" Omg hahahaha xoxoxoxo

So sad because I had to work. I wanted to join them. Since they came from Central and the West, I wanted to treat them to ice-cream but they refused. Furthermore they treated me to Gong Cha! So sweet.

Today

You know it sucks being close to people. It just sucks so bad because when they leave, it feels like they took a part of you with them. It makes you feel so empty. (S)

Yay I got my friend back. One additional friend in Year 3 Semester 1: K.

Liting said that Khairil and I looked compatible together when we were at my house yesterday. Hahahaha imagine if my mom saw and felt the same way too. Chey but no thanks.

It's really sad not having someone on my mind right now. K's my really good friend now, S's not doing much, just living his life. I am definitely staying away from F because I think he's using me.

Someone please let me love you. Hahahaha.

Sunday, January 29, 2012 - 9:27 PM

26 January, Thursday

Michelle asked me why I looked sad. After service, so did Gladys. My workmates have also asked why I looked so sad. I guess the main reason's really dumb and I'm not sure if it's actually the reason why I feel this way.

I guess it's either the fact that I'm losing S or because F is really bad at replying my texts. I don't know. The conversations with S is getting nowhere nowadays and I guess it makes me really sad. His past texts could make me feel so happy and I didn't have to wait so long for a reply. Now it's like I have to wait for an unusually long time for a reply. Furthermore his replies are hard to reply to. If that makes sense. It's not like he's killing the conversation but I guess he's not interested in it either.

Even worse, after a few texts, he wouldn't reply me anymore. I am so sad. I just don't know what is happening. So much for telling me that we won't forget each other and that you care. Where are you now.

Rushed home to attempt to bake Strawberry Shortcake. It made my day completely worse because I have never failed at baking before. I was just so depressed.

27 January, Friday

Pot luck with the class and Ms Su. Saw K through the window. He seemed like he couldn't care less about his lesson. Kitty asked me why he looks so sad. Then I realized that I felt sad too. It really pains me so much to see him this way. He will always be my priority even though the favour will never be returned. I care for him too much. But things have been going well because when I'm there for him, he wouldn't push me away like he did before.

Chased after Sir Han, Nats's eyecandy from Year 1. I think he knows that we were stalking him. Happy to see kitty and Limin after so long. Slacked with Limin, Chiew Ting, Yunice and kitty at Marble Slab at Causeway Point. Kaiyi joined later.

Me: I had a nightmare that Melvin was the one chasing me.

Kaiyi: What if Khairil was the one chasing you.

Me and Liting just stared at each other for a moment. We really didn't expect that and now we're suspicious as to why he asked that.

Work and I was kind of angry with Riziah because I wanted to called Awfully Chocolate to reserve a cake for my brother but she didn't let me. Saying that it was working hours. Okay firstly, you go for a billion smoke breaks. Next, I already told you that it's for my brother's birthday. It's important. I bet if it's regarding your son, you would have wanted to reserve the cake too.

28 January, Saturday

Had breakfast at Stadium Macdonalds at 7am with my parents. Sent me off at Harbourfront where I met up with the rest for the Batam trip.

- Hotel related stuff like housekeeping and front of the house. So irritated with the housekeeping guy who was in charge of my group. Eight people in my group, he asked me to wipe all the furniture and also vacuum the floor. Bitch la I don't do housework.

- Checked into the room with Liting and Natasha. Gladys joined us later. We decided to ring the bell and knock on the boys doors then flee. We later found out that the guys in the first room got really mad. And the guys in Iggy's room were really scared. Hahaha so cute.

- Napped for a little while then dinner. We got back to the room and me, Nats and kitty started dancing and singing. Nats said that I was good with the rave. Sharon, Shu, Gladys and Limin joined later.

- The other girls went to bed. Heart to heart talk with Gladys and Limin at the pool. It's stupid la. The water was cold. It's supposed to be warm since it's night time.

- Singing with Limin and kitty on bus rides.

Today

I think the other activities are stupid. Like the games because we were so tired yet they wanted us to be involved from 9pm to 11pm. Shopping was also stupid because me, Liting, Nats, Gladys and Fel fell asleep on the sofas at J. CO Donuts.

It was my first time hearing your voice over the phone. Rest well, I'm sure you're just as tired as I am from the trip. (refer to private blog)

You, I just want you to text me like how you did before.

“Only after disaster can we be resurrected. It’s only after you’ve lost everything that you’re free to do anything. Nothing is static, everything is evolving, everything is falling apart.”

—	Chuck Palhaniuk

Wednesday, January 25, 2012 - 7:05 PM

Food Beverage Management facilitator you can just bitchslap yourself la. Shit all my grades are dropping. I feel so tired from work. I have skipped two Understanding Tests because I wasn't able to study for them. All because of work.

F asked why I was pissed off so I told him that it was because he didn't reply my text. He texted me first and when I replied, he didn't reply back. Dafuq dafuq dafuq. Then he called me just now but I rejected his call and texted him instead. Then he didn't reply my text again.

This has been the worst week ever la. Thank God for Gladys and Fel for allowing me to rant to them.

My alarm didn't ring. I had to spend $27.35 on my cab fare. I waited half an hour for my drink at Gong Cha, which the guy did wrongly because he made green tea instead of green milk tea. Even my mom ditched me when I asked her out for lunch at town. I'm fat. I thought that I could get some alone time in town but I got lost and it was so crowded. My iPod Classic keeps crashing on me.

Since nothing seems to be working out well today, I decided to skip lunch and survive on the two buns and wrong drink I had. I even locked myself up in the room.

Sunday, January 22, 2012 - 3:06 PM

16th January, Monday

Service practical Understanding Test. Mr Gewi was so nice because he let us score for the section where we had to carry plates.

Had lunch with my classmates, Liting, Tommy, Ben, Andrew and Nazihah at Pizza Hut. We ended at around 12pm! Me and kitty decided to sing at Civic Centre. We didn't know it was 4 hours long so we almost died there.

17th January, Tuesday

We went to Causeway Point for lunch with Ms. Su and my classmates during break time. So we decided on Manhattan Fish Market.

Followed Liting for her interview at Resort World Sentosa. Which I regretted because I could have visited my grandfather for one last time. They said that there were rashes all over his body and he wanted to speak but no words came out.

18th January, Wednesday

He passed away at 2am. I woke up at 6am for school and saw the message. I really don't get why they didn't wake me up. They said that they thought that I had exams but I haven't even been studying for anything.

I cried like mad. I couldn't stop crying. The first person I told was Khairil because he was the last one to WhatsApp me before I fell asleep. Suprisingly he was the one who was there for me the whole time. Limin too. I want to thank all those who cared.

I miss him so much. I love you Atok. I need you back. I am so sorry for not visiting you for one last time. I am so sorry that I didn't prioritize you. I put my social life and work before you. When along you were the important one. I love you so much. Thank you for being there for me since young. I love you.

Mr Teh Tarik with my cousins and ice-cream at Macs 201 after. And then I texted S. But I never told him what happened. Instead, I set my troubles aside and helped him solve his problems.

19th January, Thursday

I mean I care and all you replied was "Have a good day. x" What was that supposed to mean! You should be the one comforting me. Not the other way around.

I also cried on the way to school because I miss him. I still couldn't believe that he's gone. I would expect my close friend to hug me when she sees me right. But she didn't. That is very disappointing. It doesn't stop here. I took my time off. I could have visited him instead. You don't feel an ounce of guilt do you.

(waterworks starting now) No Food and Beverage Management retest. So me, Felicia and Khairil slacked at Lawn instead of going back to class to finish our work. I thought that it'd be weird but it wasn't really that weird.

Me: Sing One Direction for me.

Khai: Oneeeee Directionnnnn ♪

Me: Thanks ah.

Rushed home to bake Banana Chocolate cupcakes for Liting's birthday.

20th January, Friday

Did you get me a card, no. Did you get me a cake, no. I got a fake cake. Did I pay for it, yes. Lol if people didn't make the effort to celebrate my birthday, why do they expect me to put in the effort to make their birthday feel like some superior occasion ah.

Faiz pissed me off too. I guess I was irritated by his odd sense of humor.

Work with Gen and Asnita. Love them to bits.

I was so pissed off. It seems like so many people are leaving me. So many people don't bother about me anymore. Like they didn't bother to reply or their replies were so cold. So I wanted to lay off all social networks and any form of communication for awhile. But that didn't work.

21st January, Saturday

Had break with Asnita. Walked in the rain with her to Banquet at Parkway Parade and back. Hahaha. Joelle came to find me at work and passed me this Gastronomia cupcake.

The Obolo people are fun too.

Rachel- The first one to talk to me. She offered me food. And she's so nice. She's even the best employee there.

Stuart- Like Rachel, he's of the same age as me. He is my Obolo crush.

Guo Xiang- Stuart and Rachel's friend. He's nice too.

Jarrett- The guy with the side shave. He is 2 years younger than me and he was also from Ngee Ann Secondary. Very nice guy too.

Me: My manager was staring at the new girl's crotch!

Jarrett: *laughs*

Me: FUNNY MEH?!

Jarrett: Yeah the way you say very funny.

Hahaha I love the Obolo staff la. I don't like the other girl who's also from Ngee Ann Secondary because she used to be close to my secondary school crush, Wei Liang. She keeps asking me for free ice-cream.

Slacked after work with Asnita. Singing and being mad at our manager. I started to wash the stuff at 9:44pm and he was like, "Why you wash everything. It's not even 9:45pm yet." Yes 1 minute can totally gain you one more customer.

Walked Asnita to the busstop and the Obolo staff were there too. Walked back to the mall to watch Hybrid with my parents. The movie sucks. Most of the time, I was texting S.

Today

I guess a break from work. Things are better now between me and S, between me and K. Ever since that day at Lawn, ever since the day that he was there for me, I realized that I missed him so much as a friend. The guy who made me laugh. I fell for that. His sense of humor, his stubbornness, his musical talent, his singing talent. I miss you, my dear old friend. ♥

Tuesday, January 17, 2012 - 9:09 PM

Post 666.

People disappoint you. They say that they will text you but they never do. They ask you out but never get back to you. They expect a cake from you but they never got you a cake either. They start texting you first but when you text them, they seem uninterested and after a while, they stop replying. I still dislike my Food and Beverage Management facilitator.

People lie. Guys say that they prefer girls who do not put on make up. But every girl that they have obsessed on have shit load of make up.

You expect someone to contact you but they never do. What happened to "I'll text you tomorrow." "I'll text you later." Like what happened during the holidays was nothing. During the holidays you made me feel like the most important person in the world, saying that you cared for me. Now you've made me feel so worthless. You don't bother about me anymore. I forgot K because of you and then you decide to be a jerk too. Thanks for not replying me.

No I do not have strong feelings for him. Just that he was really there for me when I never had to utter a word. I thought he understood me. So don't. Just don't do this to me. I told you that we would forget each other because people leave. You refused to believe that. So I trusted you. I trusted that you wouldn't leave me.

I thought that you wouldn't leave me like how the rest did. I just wanted you to stay.

Sunday, January 15, 2012 - 11:26 AM

11 January, Wednesday
After school, Fel accompanied me for lunch. Then I went to the school library. Skype with Limin and she started sending me all these videos. So I ended up watching videos in the library until Liting came to give me some cake. But it was Tiramisu so I couldn't eat it since it has liquor.

Half an hour later, Faiz came to find us. Slacked then Liting had to go. So Faiz got me to watch him play Football Manager. Then he ditched me. UT clinic with Limin and Chiew Ting.

12 January, Thursday
I followed Khairil on Twitter. School was so boring so we spammed pictures.

Stayed back after class to practice service. Then had dinner with kitty at KFC and ended up at the library to rest. I don't know how this happens but whenever I miss Karthik, he will never fail to text or call me without me initiating.

13 January, Friday
Skipped school and met up with the girls in the evening to celebrate kitty's birthday. My first time at Holland Village and we had Everything With Fries and then ice-cream for dessert.

14 January, Saturday
I was supposed to remove my braces today but I wasn't ready so the dentist postponed it to next month. I'm still considering if I should let Shafique accompany me.

I was making waffles and all of a sudden I befriended these two toddlers called Glowy and Evelyn. They were so cute until they started asking so many questions. I taught them how to make the waffles. Then Charles came to visit. And the toddlers thought that he was my boyfriend. Uh ok no.

Work was so fun and tiring because people kept coming in even though we've switched off the lights for the ice-cream.

- A customer asked if Rum contained alcohol.
- Dinner with Asnita.
- Testing each other on how to make Tasty Creations.
- Letting customers try awful flavours like Orange Blossom. It really tastes like cough syrup.
- Fighting for space at the slab.
- Han Bin teasing me because I was smiling to my phone. And Asnita said that I seemed happy the whole day.

In addition to that, Gladys sent me pictures of Sir Han. My day was good.

Today

My Indian Limin. She didn't know that I pasted it there until kitty told her. She thought that I was merely pressing my finger on her forehead.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012 - 7:50 PM

If I don't have feelings for him, why do I feel jealous now.