And I don’t get waves of missing you anymore, they’re more like tsunami tides.

My eyes are sore from the excretion of tears from my tear ducts. It was because of the removal of blackheads during my facial just this morning. But the after effects of crying sucks. The dryness makes things worse. The fact that it feels as though I cried over something that were affected by my emotions, causes me to feel and think negatively now.

You speak to her so freely and you're so distant towards me. Just fuck it. I will never be a priority to any being on Earth. There's always a superior present. I told you about my holiday to Sydney and you weren't even affected by my absence. Worse still, you didn't even bother to ask me where I was. A normal response when someone mentions an overseas trip is to know the destination but there was so sign of interest from you. No "Long time never see you." or the cute ways you try to tell people that you miss them.

Of course when you like someone for that long, that feeling will stay on with you until some miracle happens to rid of it. You had me like a fool. Maybe it was easier to give up on you not only because of the rebound. But because I knew we'd never progress to anything more than friends. You don't even give a shit about me no matter how much I care and prioritise you. ('care' and 'prioritise' aren't even in past tense!) I miss you like mad and I can't even tell you now. I am so scared that the sentiment wouldn't be returned.

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At times like this, I miss the warmth of your palm against my face. To know that someone is there. I'm so sorry for being unhappy here. I have always been so sad in my home country. The urge to leave this country is alarmingly overwhelming. I'm so lonely here and my thoughts, involving a number of people, are suffocating me. "Why isn't he replying me." "I listened to your problems. Did you even care to ask about mine?" "I want you to notice me." "I've been here from the start and you were never grateful for that. Instead you choose to think that other people are better at dealing with your messed up life."

I have been staying up until 4am because of my thoughts. Sitting down on my bedroom floor, staring into space. And when I think of something I regret or something that hurts me, my body twitches and being annoyed, I just mess up my hair whilst grumbling.

Sometimes I really feel like I'm not supposed to be born here. My friends laugh at me for pronouncing words like 'karaoke' correctly and proceed on to pronouncing it the way other people do, which is obviously wrong. Why can't people here just stop letting themselves be led by the majority and start doing things the right way.

London has musicals and the people are so nice. People in Sydney are nice too but probably too nice with the amount of 'thanks you's and 'sorry's I had to say. Not to mention having a small chat with almost every stranger I meet. Not that I am complaining. I felt like I belonged when I was in those two places.